Categories
blog post grief nocturnalxo poetry

Mona Lisa

Hey mona lisa you look like frida

I dont really know if i can actually C ya

But i see how i feel

i feel how i kill

these hearts with just one stare

I pick myself up with the smize of my clear

eye 👁 view

As i walk to the right path into love and out of hell

I see how much the cycles have affected me neglected me and kept me from being my true self.

But as i dive into the deep waters of self love

I see myself hugged up with no other but God above.

@nocturnalxo CKC

Categories
blog post fiction nocturnalxo poetry

Libre

Im only 21 but i feel so old

Like i been around here before

When i put the phone down im more aware

When i put the ganja down my memories fleeting back like air and it feels so como se dice libre

pero ya yo veo para mi y mi familia

Me doi el poder y temblor de jesus christo

Amen.

-@CKC

https://music.apple.com/us/album/real-feat-anna-wise/1440818890?i=1440819134

Categories
blog post nocturnalxo poetry

Just Cant Get Enough

Sis is a poet, it feel good don’t it

My self esteem went down

Logically i can think why cant I count?

looking all around me i see ive been done a disservice

By not following through I made this worsen

Now I embrace who i truly am

Family oriented with a Golden plan

Breathe in, breathe out

We all have our own crowns

-CKC

Categories
blog post nocturnalxo poetry

Earfquake

Im only 21 but i feel so old

Like i been around here before

When i put the phone down im more aware

When i put the ganja down my memories come fleeting back like bel-air

and it feels so como se dice libre

pero ya yo veo para mi y mi familia

Me das el poder y temblor de jesus christo

But still i stand as i look back and reminisce at a better man.

Amen.

-CKC

Shook ones – mobb deep

Categories
blog post fiction nocturnalxo poetry

Rose In The BirthPlace.

Why yall hating on me X4

I do not believe, i just feel some things

Why ya hatin on me?

I heard you say somethings, face expressions talk more than things

Its crazy so lazy all you had to say was my baby i miss you but i cant deal with you

I would have understood

I dont think that im too good

No no not me

Why dont you believe

Sincere in my way i dont do it for cake

I do it for me

For my self esteem

Cant bottle this up no more and no its not in stores

But yo i cant take this sadness

Yo i gotta leave it in the past

And then ill see

The gift that God gave me.

@nocturnalxo

Categories
blog post fiction nocturnalxo poetry

Venom.

thats really just crazy

How did i not know lately x2

no more free promo cus i see inside your soul

Then i c you no more

So i just chill up in the hills

Up in the sky

But no drugs on my mind

Just life

Hurts but you, gotta fight

Trying to piece it all together

And yet i fall again like a feather

Except i pick myself up

You think you see my colors, i’ll show you the vivid picture

Of my tears turning to laughter witcha.

Venom.

@nocturnalxo

Categories
grief nocturnalxo poetry Uncategorized

Letter To Myself.

Might seem little but she knows what to do

Kinda like she been here before and it feels kind of rude…

I watched her grow up and i see how she’s suppressed

I just wanted you all to know im her very best friend.

Found that within didnt have to search

I guess it really me myself and i but also the hearse. – Claudia Karina

Categories
nocturnalxo poetry

Fragile

i come in peace

With good intentions as the masterpiece i am

I come with an abundance of love

Ready to pour into your cup

But dont hurt me, im fragile

And dont play me cus i just cant handle

When things arent what they seem

Im a what you see is what you get type

So when things become a mirage

And when the hate has now camouflaged

My fragility turns into strength

Because i take that pain and i go on to paint it into these words

And thats where my fragility becomes my biggest asset. My greatest strength.

My ability to fix myself up after every fall

Every broken piece, i lost them all

And still i am.

@nocturnalxo

Categories
blog post nocturnalxo

Writers Block

My name is Karina (or Claudia, whatever. i don’t even care anymore) and i have major writers block.

I guess it started right after i posted that last story that i wrote. I kind of knew i wasn’t going to post a part 2 anytime soon even though i really wanted to, it just took me so long to even post part 1 so i knew it was over for part 2. xD (yes i will use emoticons, i feel like it adds personality and an old time blog feel.) so here i am trying to grasp any kind of poetry that comes to me (my notes app look like a disaster.)

I said i was going to focus on stories and blogs, but because of the writers block I basically ignored both. *face palm* this part of the entry is basically just me saying that these blog posts do a lot for me then they will probably ever do for you guys so let me get my Jenna Hamilton on and write. (MTV tv show awkward reference, Hi 5 if you got it.)

So yeah now to get to the actual content of the blog post, i have got to blog these feelings out because its heavy! As many of my past blog posts have mentioned, i lost 2 VIP family member’s who i lived with less than 5 months ago. Something i realized 4 months later is i do not know how to grieve. I literally fell back into my worst habits and have not started the healing process. (So ironic because my first blog posts was basically my homework for how i can handle when life goes downhill but i wont beat myself up over it)

When i was younger i would cry about everything, everything! Now, i barely cry. I have to watch old videos and really think hard to cry about my grandma. Not because I’m not sad or i don’t miss her but its because i literally try my hardest to not think about the death for too long. I have noticed though my little 4 month emotionless run is done. Back to being a cry baby which I’m grateful for because tears heal.

I felt like since December i just ignored the hurt and pain. My life wasn’t going too bad, excluding the deaths, so afterwards i just focused on the things i did have like the people in my life and the wealth I accumulated and it worked! I wasn’t too sad and felt like things were going to be okay until i didn’t have those things either. I realized i wasn’t healing. i wasn’t addressing the actual pain, i was just distracting myself. Now my grandma stays in my dreams and every morning i wake up with this pain in my chest. but the first step is feeling it. Something i have tried my hardest to not do for the past couple of months.

I write all this to say that when things go wrong in life many people run to things like substances or other people or material possessions and while that may soothe the pain it doesn’t heal. Just a bandaid put on top of the wound. I feel like i might have touched on this before but it doesn’t hurt to reinstate the facts of the matter.

I feel like a broken record with the hurt and pain of my grandma but one thing about me is I’m going to express myself. Like right now im going through a little heartbreak and im hoping i can get some fire poetry but for some reason the heart break gave me 2 poems and then dipped! Like the writers block said haha yea right! Ima let this writers block pass though and im giving you guys relationship heartbreak kinda content when the curse is lifted. Hope you guys are still down :p

Peace ☮️

Categories
nocturnalxo poetry

Heartbreak Hotel

They say things get better with time

But ima sip on this wine till it gets better in my mind

They say things get better when you work

But i just wanna lay in bed all day like clockwork

Heartbreak hotel

The desk clerk knows me so well

Heartbreak hotel

It feels like someone casted a spell

A spell that keeps me locked in this hotel

The way my heart is in critical condition

may sound dramatic but there were barely any intermissions

from abuse to betrayal to death

These last 5 years have put me to the test

But i see an opening of strength

Where i take my power back and go the length

My past doesn’t determine my future

so i’m learning as i go

And this hotel isn’t the way to go

So this is my last stay

Starting today the focus is on me

Because thats how it should be

And i wont have any more stays as long as i stay true to the one person who’s never broken my heart

@nocturnalxo