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Dysfunctional Part 1/2

DISCLAIMER: 100% fiction! all from my imagination not even realistic fiction just fiction! enjoy.

The room felt tense, silence making the most sound as the results await. Layla took a glance at Richard who’s face had already started to drop. Richard kept pacing up and down the hallways just waiting for the doctor to come out and rip the band-aid. She quickly got up to console him and reassure him that the call would be positive and everything would be fine. As if somehow, her wishful thinking would give her the right to promise such promises.

I stood at the corner of the room, watching the whole room. A part of me felt the dread coming from the silence that awaited me and my cousins.

“So, who is going to call Aunt Elainne and let her know what is going on with her son? Because i really am assuming one of you guys snuck off to the bathroom and had the common sense to do it.” My cousin Stephens irritated voice echoed the private waiting room we were put in. We all just exchange looks while Anna rolls her eyes

“You sound so dumb right now because you know damn well you can pick that phone up and make that call since you are the one wh-” before Anna can finish her thought, Stephen cuts her off arguing with words that just drowned out from everyone now arguing.

“Enough!” My voice creaks and i let out a grimace. “I cannot believe even in a moment like this you guys find ways to try and tear each other down.” Nobody is making eye contact and the energy is intense.

Family is really hard to deal with sometimes and i sure know a lot about that. Tonight was supposed to be us going out and having a good time, Tonight we all agreed to trying. I’m not sure how to tell you all how we got here but here we are.

We all meet at Discos Bar, we all have a good time. Reconnecting and actually getting a long, rare for us! Maybe this family is cursed though because the peace didn’t last for long. The type of family we grew up with back home in Oklahoma were tough. When it comes to love languages let’s just say they didn’t know how to apply any. Made some of us rough around the edges and the ones who didn’t toughen up are more on the out of touch side of trauma. Stephen, he’s one of the tough ones, not hard to imagine that Anna is as well.

Then there is Layla and Ricky, Layla is like me who has a fathers side who cares and isn’t as fucked up as my mothers side but Ricky? Well, Ricky has a few loose screws. I don’t know much personally but i heard he’s been through the worst between all of us cousins. The Black Sheep of the family, as you will.

Me? I’m a mix of both. Rough around the edges and someone who also has issues. Sometimes i think that everyone has issues and while that maybe true to a certain extent, i’m convinced with the more people i meet that i just say that to make myself feel better. The type of issues we have must be more than any other family as a collective because boy are we messed up.

It all started when Layla drank her 6th shot.

“Let’s go to the bathroom.” Layla gets up and takes my arm. I have 3 shots in so far and i already see her stumbling, that’s because she drank too fast. When we got to the bathroom she looked at me and started laughing.

“What is so funny!” I ask with a grin on my face but the grin turns into a complete 180, before i know it Layla starts sobbing. So much going through my mind, first thing i will admit i wondered was if she took me into the bathroom to cry; then i wondered why she was crying. “Are you okay?” I ask kinda freezing up. Me and Layla aren’t really close even though we are family.

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Changing The Tone Of My Website

Hey everyone, so for the past year i’ve just been blogging my poetry and i still want to every now and then but i also want to focus more on actual blog posts and short stories. Short stories so that i can work on and eventually perfect my fiction writing craft. So just giving you all an update, i plan on publishing a poetry book soon so look out for that. Thank you all for supporting this regular degular imperfect shorty from the bronx. One love. ❤

-nocturnalxo 😉

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Transfiguration (Short story)

   The wind felt bitter cold, and I could feel myself getting sick. That’s December in Connecticut for you though. I almost couldn’t get out of bed today, and it made me wonder about seasonal depression. It seems like a real thing, but lately, it’s been feeling like more than just that. Isn’t Seasonal depression a temporary thing? Hence the word seasonal? Regardless, The feelings I’ve been carrying around have been heavy since my first memory. Although I would have loved to stay in bed all day and sleep like I’m in hibernation, I have too many people who depend on me to do that. So, although I dreaded getting up today and seeing the snow, responsibilities needed to be tended to. As I’m walking towards my car, I pass by my reflection, and I almost flinch. My work uniform looks dirty, and my hair looks like it hasn’t been picked out or touched in days. I sigh and keep it moving, it is what it is.

           “Damon.” I heard a familiar girl’s voice call my name, So I broke my neck looking for anyone who would meet my eyes. Because it happened to be 5:30AM, the streets were practically empty. I shake my head, and immediately my mind goes to the fact that I fell asleep late, I didn’t even get the chance to eat breakfast. I wasn’t entirely convinced that that was the reason why I heard the voice. When I finally get to my car and enter it, for some odd reason, the vehicle felt already warmed up. This made my anxiety reach maximum potential, and I started to feel this gut-wrenching feeling as if someone was in my car or someone was watching me. I know how to defend myself, but I didn’t feel like even having to resort to that, I was too tired for all that extra energy to be wasted. My paranoia was knocking on the door, and my intuition was telling me to stay put and see what is up, but the time was telling me that if I don’t start driving, I was going to be late. So I said myself I’m just tired and I did not take these feelings seriously. I thought of my mother, who had just lost her job, and I thought of my little sister, who probably was not going to get everything on her Christmas list because of that. Before I knew it, I put the key in the ignition and got the car going.

It almost felt like I was on autopilot. My eyelids were heavy, and the highway was pretty empty. I thought I had everything under control until I heard that same voice call my name again, which made me jump. I was holding on to the steering wheel, and as I hopped with my hands still holding on to the steering wheel, I accidentally dragged the wheel to the right. I wasn’t completely aware of my surroundings, I didn’t see the car speeding recklessly to my right and what should have only been a scare turned into a full-blown nasty accident. What I saw after the accident is what will stay imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life. I saw the whole accident while it was happening. I saw my car colliding with the other vehicle, and even worse, My foot was still on the gas, blame it on shock, and I watched it flip and crash into the exit ramp. I saw the Drunk driver get out of his car and get arrested, I saw my lifeless body, and what was even scarier, I saw and mostly felt a powerful figure next to me, staring at me. I can’t remember the face, but I do remember the brown eyes speaking to my soul. “Was it worth it?” was one of the things that no matter how hard I try, I can not get out of my mind. I remember the feeling of sincere sorrow, regret, and fear. I wasn’t ready to die, and I knew that very well, I felt it. My Mother, My little sister, and my Partner all came into my mind. The figure next to me examined me while I was having a breakdown, and I felt the empathy and rapport of this figure. As soon as I did,  all those negative feelings went away.

I woke up in the hospital with all my loved ones around. Even people who I thought did not really care for me had sent kindhearted messages to my phone. I was in a coma for 1 week. Which was crazy to me because I saw my lifeless body. I saw myself dead I was even able to describe the whole accident to my doctor. After I received physical therapy, The doctor told me I was lucky to have made a full recovery and no permanent neurological damage. They had told my family that I might not make it because of the swelling in my brain and how I was unresponsive to the treatment. Growing up, I never really attended church or thought about God. My life was intense, and I didn’t have the foundation of religion or spirituality.

My parents were too focused on their dying relationship. I used to think about it a lot as I grew up, but I was not educated on any religion, and as I grew older, my life of sin grew taller. Religion seemed imaginary, and I could not afford to live in an imaginary world. Life was hard enough to get caught up in the abstract world. After that accident, once I was cleared to go back to work, I told my boss I need Sundays off to rest. I was compelled to. To my surprise, she was more than happy to oblige. I started educating myself on different religions; none of them really seemed appealing for me personally, but I kept seeing crosses everywhere, so I assumed all this was leading me to Jesus Christ. To this day, I wonder if the figure was Jesus, but when I started researching religions, I saw that Christians believe that God and Jesus are the same, so I’m sure it was. Although I side-eye the bible every time I pick it up because of the history of it, I tried to keep an open mind. Once I did, I realized that God gave us free will, and we can not blame God for mankind. I started getting epiphanies on why God created such flawed humans. My personal belief is we are in this dimension to learn lessons and evolve. Once we have completed those lessons and have evolved, we can ascend. I now know how much wisdom is in every religious book, regardless. The Quran, The Torah, The Bible, etc.  I knew that even being able to try and change my life or try and acknowledge a higher power was a blessing. Not many people get the opportunity to receive.

Regardless of my Spiritual beliefs, I must say the fact that I got away with causing an accident has weighed heavy on my soul. Although I am a firm believer that everything we go through is by design, I’m human, and my guilty conscious started taking over my mind. I started seeing a therapist which was long overdue if you ask me. The therapist reinforced the thought that if it was not me who would have gotten into the accident, it would have been someone else. Driving drunk and Driving tired is equivalent to statistically speaking. Although I understand she was doing her job in trying to ease my guilt, I take full responsibility. Whenever I see I am not going to get enough sleep to function correctly and have an early shift the next morning, I always send a message to my Superior to weigh out my options.

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MY NAME IS DIA

Well, you can refer to me as DIA, which is short for Claudia.

Karina, which is my middle name, or nocturnalxo are preferred if the nickname DIA doesn’t rock your world. whatever you decide this is the story of my life… totally joking you’d have to pay me for that one but this will be a place where i face something that i have noticed to be my biggest fear. Being completely transparent and vulnerable. With that being said, what you can expect is a great deal of poetry, thoughts and self reflection. Knowing me i will definitely add lyrics and quotes.

Maybe if i feel bold enough short stories but just know i am a fiction writer. Just a little background information though, I’ve been writing since about 8 or 9. I used to write fan fiction and post it on YouTube and i’m one of those people who will bring that up until death because i was pretty successful, for a 8/9 year old. My insecurities were pretty successful as well though. I hid behind a username and only those closest to me knew about it. If i only had kept going perhaps i would have a Netflix movie out by now. Life took over and i kind of strayed away from my dreams. Either way, everything happens for a reason. Although that is such a cliche thing that people usually only say to make themselves feel better i have seen it to be true in ways that may or may not be evident with my future blog posts. As in I’ve gained a lot of experience and new perspectives that perhaps can and will make my writing better and better but, you be the judge. This is my first ever blog i loved the show AWKWARD but never even imagined creating my own. If im being honest i can’t completely tell you what im going to say, all i know is i have a lot to say and a lot of feelings so for all you emotionally crippled folks you might not wanna tune in. I can get pretty intense.

So All in All like Demi sang ” This is real, this is me I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me And now I’ve found who I am
There’s no way to hold it in No more hiding who I want to be”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv3KA6onF0w