Heartbreak Hotel

They say things get better with time

But ima sip on this wine till it gets better in my mind

They say things get better when you work

But i just wanna lay in bed all day like clockwork

Heartbreak hotel

The desk clerk knows me so well

Heartbreak hotel

It feels like someone casted a spell

A spell that keeps me locked in this hotel

The way my heart is in critical condition

may sound dramatic but there were barely any intermissions

from abuse to betrayal to death

These last 5 years have put me to the test

But i see an opening of strength

Where i take my power back and go the length

My past doesn’t determine my future

so i’m learning as i go

And this hotel isn’t the way to go

So this is my last stay

Starting today the focus is on me

Because thats how it should be

And i wont have any more stays as long as i stay true to the one person who’s never broken my heart

–@nocturnalxo

Like A Drug

You’re like a drug

Graceful like a dove

Grateful for your love

Addictive to the T

But still you’re good for me

Dont know if it will last

And even if it doesn’t its nice to just bask

In the feeling of us

I hope its not just lust

To let things flow is hard for me

Yet you make it so easy to just be

You’re like a drug

Except it feels like a healthy nug

A breath of fresh air

A light that shines in my despair

You just happen to be so rare.

–@nocturnalxo

Sometimes

Sometimes

Sometimes i wish you never put hands on me

Sometimes i wish we were really meant to be

Sometimes i wish things went another way

Instead of the way it led us to today

Sometimes i dont care and im fine

Other times the PTSD blows my mind

Sometimes im good and i feel free

Other times i feel locked in the chamber of my reality

Sometimes i hate you and i know thats how its supposed to be

But the hate eats me alive its a never ending cycle of grief

Sometimes i want to betray myself and go back

Until i snap out of the desperation that i have packed

Most times i dont think about you

Most times i know that you were just another fool

Most times i know that its self harm to think about a time when you and me were warm

–@nocturnalxo

Let Me Be Your Favorite Nightmare

Love

It came so easily

But was it love or just lust that I accepted

Which was the frequency?

Never mind that because although the love you gave did end up pleasing me

Still

Something was missing, my usual carefree spirit was wheezing for air

As if you sucked it all out of me and left me without a care

As if I give and give and give

And I live to forgive then relive

But to see your highs while I stay low

A leech you are

Protected by your costume of snow

In the moment it’s bliss

When I look back I reminisce

On how I missed out on an equal give and take

Choosing someone who I knew would end up giving me heartache

All for something that felt good but when I wake up I see it was all fake

I see past the desire of feeling love

It’s all about you, it always was

The most beautiful boogeyman

Stuck on your looks and I really should have looked passed that

You were my favorite nightmare but for what?

It’s just a fact that it was all For a quick fuck and a trip to the land of unseen

I’ll tell you what

Tonight, I’ll see you again in my dreams

–@nocturnalxo