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2020

Let me start my first personal blog post by telling you how rough 2020 has been for me just like how it has been for many people all over the world. I’ve dealt with losing my job, losing friends and losing a very importantly family member. It’s sad to know that i’m not the only one who has had a very garbage year but now what? For so long i would dwell on where shit went left in my life. For so long i would throw myself pity parties instead of trying to solve the problem and for so long it worked. It worked because i would live in comfortable sadness. I was just surviving. Don’t get me wrong, its okay and you should cry, it’s okay and you should grieve, it’s okay and you should feel things out. It’s when you are comfortable in not feeling content when you should get up and get right.

Everyone knows that life has its ups and downs, everyone knows that life is not easy, even for the people who seem to have it all but what people may know but may not know how to apply is how to pick yourself up when you are feeling down. I’d be lying if i told you i was a pro at it, there are days where i still sulk and have trouble picking myself up. Something that i feel is key to feeling better and the first step is to be kind to yourself. We grow up wanting to achieve so much in our 20s then we get to our 20s and reality hits. It might happen to some but the majority of us will not be where we wanna be from 20 to 29, that’s just life.

What i learned from this hard year was to take things one day at a time, implement good habits because my bad habits were slowly but surely eating away at my mental health. It takes 21 days to build a habit and new years is coming up so why don’t we all look at the things that are hurting us more then helping us. Whether its an unhealthy addiction, bad sleeping habits and not taking our dreams seriously. Trust me when i tell you i’m speaking to myself more than i am to anyone else. Life doesn’t start getting better till you get better. When life hits you with things you can’t control that hurts like losing people or livelihoods, keep scheming! How can you turn your bad situation into a good one? How can you pick yourself up when you are feeling down? Take things one day at a time and Be Kind to yourselves and others.

@nocturnalxo

“Be kind to your body, gentle with your mind and patient with your heart. Stay true to your spirit, cherish your soul and never doubt yourself. You are still becoming, my love, and there is no one more deserving of the nurturing grace of your love.”
― Becca Lee

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Sometimes

Sometimes

Sometimes i wish you never put hands on me

Sometimes i wish we were really meant to be

Sometimes i wish things went another way

Instead of the way it led us to today

Sometimes i dont care and im fine

Other times the PTSD blows my mind

Sometimes im good and i feel free

Other times i feel locked in the chamber of my reality

Sometimes i hate you and i know thats how its supposed to be

But the hate eats me alive its a never ending cycle of grief

Sometimes i want to betray myself and go back

Until i snap out of the desperation that i have packed

Most times i dont think about you

Most times i know that you were just another fool

Most times i know that its self harm to think about a time when you and me were warm

@nocturnalxo

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EGO

Everything I’m about to type I am guilty of.

This society is very ego-driven, meaning we determine our self worth on what we think about ourselves. That doesn’t sound like a bad thing but too much of anything can turn into a demise. We want to believe that in some way shape or form, we are better than the next person. This can cause us to become arrogant and mask it with confidence. I know this because it was once me. It isn’t that we are not special beings, it is the fact that everyone is special in their own ways. We all have things that make us stand out. Whether you are very in touch with your spirit, or you are a very hard worker or you are very empathetic and caring, etc. These things make us stand out but just because we may feel like we are one of one, that does not necessarily mean that it is true. That is something your ego wants you to believe. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that you should dim your light. All that I’m trying to convey is that starving your ego is healthy and won’t lead to delusion, disappointment or regret.

For example, with me, sometimes when I embrace what makes me unique or different I can unintentionally make others feel less than. Since life is a cycle assemble the uno reverse card for I as well have felt that before with others.  It is not our fault for how other people take things. A lot of times the people who take offense are going through their own circumstances. We tend to use social media as an escape and it becomes very easy to get lost in the sauce. In the age of smartphones, it is very easy to lose touch. It is not like how it began where we would have to log out and log back on when we feel like. The energy stays with us and we tend to take things personally even when it is not meant in that way. Is it our fault? Should we stop being who we are for that? My answer is No. Being mindful and aware of how strong our energy can come off is ideal. Understanding that everyone grows at their own pace and removing yourself from any energy that brings you pain, Strong or not, is the idea. My point is, Moderation is the key. Starving your ego is what we should all do from time to time yet killing your ego can and will lead to low self-esteem and depression

I think a mistake I have made is that in trying desperately to humble myself, I would kill my ego instead of starving it. There is a very fine line but once this is achieved, Aligning with your true purpose will become easier. I will put a link on helpful tips to starve your ego and align with your soul.

 

5 Ways To Starve The Ego