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blog post fiction nocturnalxo poetry

Libre

Im only 21 but i feel so old

Like i been around here before

When i put the phone down im more aware

When i put the ganja down my memories fleeting back like air and it feels so como se dice libre

pero ya yo veo para mi y mi familia

Me doi el poder y temblor de jesus christo

Amen.

-@CKC

https://music.apple.com/us/album/real-feat-anna-wise/1440818890?i=1440819134

Categories
grief nocturnalxo

Memories

now i have just memories of you and me

only pieces of how we used to be

I miss you terribly

And the thought of never seeing you again

It’s fucking with my head

It’s fucking with my heart

Quite frankly its tearing me apart.

You were my rock,

You were my heart

I don’t remember what life was like when we were apart

I dont remember what it was like to not hear you speak or call out my name regularly

For the phone or the remote or even a glass of water

And now without your voice the house just sounds much quieter

I miss you deeply and wish this was all just a dream i wish you didn’t just become a memory because life with out you is harder than it seems

I wish i can see you and wake up from this nightmare but i know you wouldn’t want me to dwell and you would just want me to take care

Want me to cherish the memories that we shared and stay strong for family, try and help them bear.

@nocturnalxo

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If only

If only i was a healer who could magically heal with my hands

Id take away all your pain

Id even have you get up and dance

If only i was an angel who could have told you it was coming

I would have told you and id make sure it wouldnt become your shortcoming

If only i was a time traveler that could travel to the past

Id cherish those moments, id make them all last

@nocturnalxo

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Distractions

Distractions

Truth is i don’t feel well

Sleeping in your bed at night gives me chills

Where are you? Will you ever wake up?

I wish i could hug you and tell you to not let up

When we spoke on the phone you opened your eyes

As if my voice brought you back

Much to my surprise

I cant think too much about it because it ruins my mood

So i distract myself so that i don’t think of you.

@nocturnalxo

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Vulnerable

I stay vulnerable

And its noticeable

I Wear my heart on my sleeve

Have my laundry in the streets

Dirty it seems

Give it up for peace

Since it seems to decrease

The never ending shame that used to eat me

So here i am

Transparent as ever and

I wouldnt want it any other way

Because this is my spirit

It came to lift weights

@nocturnalxo

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Incognito

‪What looked so sweet at first glace ‬
‪Tasted so sour after time passed ‬
‪I guess thats why you shouldnt judge a book by its cover Deceived by the green appearance of her ‬
‪The tears that formed left me warned ‬
‪To not take another bite ‬
‪Expecting something sweet ‬
‪But something bitter ended up as the surprise. ‬-nocturnalxo

Categories
nocturnalxo

Shallow

When the pool of water doesn’t reach certain depths

We aren’t able to get deep it works like that in life

Shallow streams that play make believe

Illusions of depth makes you drown in dreams

Wave after wave

Graves that we’ve paved

Conclaves that just sway

In the deepest part of the ocean

Where my darkness is buried with my emotions

where the truth is always spoken

And the motion of the ocean leaves no commotion

@nocturnalxo

Categories
nocturnalxo

Psychosis

Head pounding

Heart racing

It feels like

This isnt real.

Shadows dancing

Voices making me feel like i’ve made a deal

Like the air has been laced

And my hand is to my heart

im feeling the bass

Its Beating like drums that wont stop

Dissociation has taken over again and this time it brought locks

Am i dreaming? Did you hear that?

I dont know anymore, i just want my head back.

-@nocturnal

Categories
nocturnalxo

Daydream

Daydream

it seems to me im lost in this life scheme

Ive taken it to the extreme

In the everyday mundane

Day dream

life never ends up how it may seem

like how it ends in the movies

Its all part of the game

Trial after trial but my daydream consists of fairytales and bridals

Rainbows and flowers

Beautiful moments that last for hours

Daydream

Life isnt always what it may seem

And i tend to get lost in what it could be

But the reality brings pain

Daydream

To manifest perhaps some good things

Would be a song that the birds sing

On a beautiful day

@nocturnalxo

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ScapeGOAT

Don’t worry about me

Worry about you

I been sleeping good but its the guilt that left me shook

As if i influenced everyone around me

I doubt it so don’t you dare doubt me

As if I’m the evil…

As if I’m the person who been primeval..?

As if i havent been on a mission of retrieval.

I guess nobody knows unless you change the tone,

And open that mouth to let it be known what you told

But im not the type to ask for credit

And maybe thats where im wrong because people do forget it

Not only that but people rewrite history in their own minds

Im not a perfect human i been there back in time

And if we didn’t have textbooks who would be able to tell this fake time?

But the truth is its all in my head

And i suffer from certain things that are better left unsaid

They told me im an open book

I said if you only knew everything that it took,

it truly would leave you shook.

They told me i belong in a hospital

I told then these tears taste sweet as sweet as the sunday gospel

They told me id never make it

Well i still aint there yet but Lord knows i aint shaken

They told me im too weird

I told them take this free homily and soon after they appeared

@nocturnalxo